Let go...

"Men of Israel, do not fight against the Lord, the God of your fathers, for you will not succeed."

- 2 Chronicles 13:12b

"The men of Israel were subdued on that occasion, and the men of Judah were victorious because they relied on the Lord, the God of their fathers."

- 2 Chronicles 13:18

Shoulders taut as a back full of pressure curls into the legs buried deep in the bed blankets.  Dreams harassed by the call of the morning’s alarm are met with pinched eyes and harried thoughts.  As a manner of will, she turns to her knees in genuflection.

Somewhere in the gesture the tension is lost.   Maybe it is due to the stretching of her back in child’s pose or the slowing of her mind but, she is pretty certain it’s her relinquishment while waiting on His leading.  She closes her door and enters His presence.

As the place where hair and forehead meets touches the paradoxically soft and itchy carpet, she breathes in air along with worries of the day, before the sun even rises.  Exhale, she calls on Him to quiet her mind and focus her thoughts on Him.  In and out, inhale His Truth.  Like medicine in the morning.  Exhale, her anxieties.

Each breath bringing peace

as each prayer presents growing friendship.

Then like a single feather falling from the sky, "I wonder what's for breakfast" and she's lost for a minute.  Although, it was not just one feather but, seems to be an ocean of them and they drown out his voice.

Refocus, re-relinquish.  The eloquence and the struggle of the waking up and giving up is interrupted by her flesh and the distractions frolicking into her mind.
She contrition's with herself, "for seriously, 5 minutes I cannot rest, wait, and pray."  She will not accept that the time spent was well spent but, short.  Overlooking her idol, perfection, she wrestles her mind trying to refocus, only to realize it is time to get ready for work.

The lost anxieties and tension emerge on the drive to work with the blue sporty lights a little too close behind in her rear view mirror.  "Whyyy, am I in such a hurry" she whispers as she reminds herself she'll be over an hour early.

Wonder, "Why can I never seems to get it right?"  Right now, she can't feel it, can't see it.  She knows she needs something but nothing she grasps is satisfying.  The words of the man on the radio remind her...

"For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."
- Romans 8:24-26

Her heart pierces but not for the normal reasons.  "Why, why am I so silly, and he, He, so faithful."  She is weak, and there he is to remind her that He covered that.  He did not call her to perfection in performance.  He calls her to patience, hope and moments of His provision.
He just wants what she can, has, and is willing to offer no matter how short or long, ugly or pretty, or imperfect.

"And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies." 
-Romans 8:27-33

He justifies.

"Thank you," she whispers.  She sees now, she is trying to wear the weight again, the pressure that it is all on her shoulders.  But he already carried it...

"Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 

Romans 8:34-35

Now she sees, even in the noble there is sin.  That, it is not about what she did, does, will do, wants to do.  She cannot save them, let alone herself.  Rather, it is about what He has done, does daily.  In her battle for perfection she was fighting against His grace.  There, she cannot win. 

She parks the car in front of her work, bows her head...

As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;

    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." 
-Romans 8:36-39