My grace is sufficient for you...

It feels like a part of me is dying... Dying to an Idea of desire I thought, and still kinda do think, will make me whole...

Questions...

Is there anyone out there? Will someone move me in the way I hear others speak of?  Will anyone be able to  pursue? fight? stay? for me..

But then I turn cold, hard, and remember maybe I don't need a partner here... Maybe Christ will be enough to satisfy my lack of self-worth.  I ca not feel it now, do not want to let go of this desire to be a wife, a mother, a daughter to his parents, a sister to his siblings... 

"My grace is sufficient for you..." (2 Corinthians 12:9) as I begin to sob at the painful tearing of the fleshly desire melting away at His promise to provide all I need.  I trust Him, I do not get it yet, do not want to fully accept it but, I know He will make my heart like His.  He will satisfy and make me whole.

I fall on my knees, arms raised, tears fall... less of me, more of You.

"With my voice I cry out to the Lord;

    with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord.

I pour out my complaint before him;

    I tell my trouble before him.

When my spirit faints within me,

    you know my way!

In the path where I walk

    they have hidden a trap for me.

Look to the right and see:

    there is none who takes notice of me;

no refuge remains to me;

    no one cares for my soul.

I cry to you, O Lord;

    I say, “You are my refuge,

    my portion in the land of the living.”

Attend to my cry,

    for I am brought very low!

Deliver me from my persecutors,

    for they are too strong for me!

Bring me out of prison,

    that I may give thanks to your name!

The righteous will surround me,

    for you will deal bountifully with me."

-Psalm 142

He does love you.  He will  provide.