Looking up...

"For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you."

-John 13:15

I've reached a place where, I believe, almost any decision I make would be wrong.  

I do not know what tomorrow brings.

I do not know what I want tomorrow to bring...

step back,

something is missing...

worry is absent.

It tries to creep in but holds no ground.

I am finding peace in the moment.

Peace in the fact that, I can not make a single "right" decision aside from Him.

Because I am going to mess up, but he is made stronger in my weakness and His power becomes more evident when I repent and turn back to Him.

And even though I do not deserve Him, I need Him.

I am quitting my fight against letting Him love me.

So at this point in my life, that is the only definite decision I am making,

to know my God and to be like Him, as best I can.

To learn more about Him, through reading His Word, by looking at His creation.  

Instead trying to look ahead or behind at my life,

I am looking up and back at Him.  

To the future He promises, the past He was faithful in, and the present He is gifting me with.

Getting a fill of His good medicine.

Because while my feelings, thoughts, and actions are always changing, He remains the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

The past tells me He is faithful, loving, and good.

I am letting go of what I know right now,

and seeking what is true forever.

Letting go of worry and fear and holding on to the Giver of Peace.

Because He is the only thing that I know is right.

"My son, do not forget my teaching,

    but let your heart keep my commandments,

for length of days and years of life

    and peace they will add to you.

Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you;

    bind them around your neck;

    write them on the tablet of your heart.

So you will find favor and good success

    in the sight of God and man.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

    and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

    and he will make straight your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes;

    fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.

It will be healing to your flesh

    and refreshment to your bones.

Honor the Lord with your wealth

    and with the firstfruits of all your produce;

then your barns will be filled with plenty,

    and your vats will be bursting with wine.

My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline

    or be weary of his reproof,

for the Lord reproves him whom he loves,

    as a father the son in whom he delights.

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom,

    and the one who gets understanding,

for the gain from her is better than gain from silver

    and her profit better than gold.

She is more precious than jewels,

    and nothing you desire can compare with her.

 Long life is in her right hand;

    in her left hand are riches and honor.

Her ways are ways of pleasantness,

    and all her paths are peace.

She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her;

    those who hold her fast are called blessed.

The Lord by wisdom founded the earth;

    by understanding he established the heavens;

by his knowledge the deeps broke open,

    and the clouds drop down the dew.

My son, do not lose sight of these—

    keep sound wisdom and discretion,

and they will be life for your soul

    and adornment for your neck.

Then you will walk on your way securely,

    and your foot will not stumble.

If you lie down, you will not be afraid;

    when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Do not be afraid of sudden terror

    or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes,

for the Lord will be your confidence

    and will keep your foot from being caught.

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,

    when it is in your power to do it.

Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come again,

    tomorrow I will give it”—when you have it with you.

Do not plan evil against your neighbor,

    who dwells trustingly beside you.

Do not contend with a man for no reason,

    when he has done you no harm.

Do not envy a man of violence

    and do not choose any of his ways,

 for the devious person is an abomination to the Lord,

    but the upright are in his confidence.

The Lord's curse is on the house of the wicked,

    but he blesses the dwelling of the righteous.

 Toward the scorners he is scornful,

    but to the humble he gives favor.

 The wise will inherit honor,

    but fools get disgrace."

-Proverbs 3