Dreams

"Trust in the Lord and do good;

    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Take delight in the Lord,

    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

    trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,

    your vindication like the noonday sun."

-Psalm 37:3-6

She lay, silent, and still.  Nothing but the little sniffle of her nose makes a sound.  The tears steam down the pillow as her heart aches.  Laying quietly, her mind is deep in prayer, deep into the things she's wanted too much for too long.

He turns and says, “Goodnight,” with no knowledge of her tears.  “Goodnight,” she softly replies.  That’s the trouble with independence, sometimes your will makes you want to cry alone even when you are really not.

Her heart swells making her tears rage fiercer but she holds in the sounds.  She wants to battle this one out just her and God.  Tonight, she needs to let go of her jealousy driven by her misplaced desirs and expectations.  The dreams she’s dreamed are not her reality and seeing them as others has not been helpful.  Though, she knows the dreams are not the answer either.  It's just lately she finds herself believing they are.  But truly, they would not fix this hole…

Giving up those little dreams, she reminds herself it is for something good, something God given, her Dream.  Her big dream.  The honest truth is the real struggle is she’s not quite sure where her Dream’s fire has gone.  Maybe it is caught up with all the other unanswered forgotten desires that have distracted her along the way.  The ones that tell her she’ll never be good enough.  She lets that go too – never good enough, never noticed. She feels just so normal, so plain, so together on the outside.  Oh, but the things inside say otherwise.

She wants the fire back and tonight feels like it just may be a step towards the spark to get it flaming.  She knows The Great Giver of Dreams has a plan.  He is not finished yet.  He has not forgotten, her, you.

More crying because she knows she needs to and knows the little dreams she’s letting go were real and strong but aren’t for right now.  Praying hard and real she says, “I want to be excited for this Lord, Help me Father.”  Even now, it’s what she’s dreamed just, not how.  Closing her eyes, resting her head, she rests her mind. Ready for the light of the new day sun.

“But come on, all of you, try again!

    I will not find a wise man among you.

My days have passed, my plans are shattered.

    Yet the desires of my heart

turn night into day;

    in the face of the darkness light is near."

-Job 17:10-12

"When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,

    we were like those who dreamed.

Our mouths were filled with laughter,

    our tongues with songs of joy.

Then it was said among the nations,

    'The Lord has done great things for them.'

The Lord has done great things for us,

    and we are filled with joy."

-Psalm 126:1-3