What's next

So last night was my second accident. All i feel like doing is just sleeping until i forget about it. The thought that I could have killed 3 of my closest friends kills me. Last time I was the only one in the car so it wasn't so much to bear. But this time it was different. No one's parents will ever trust me with there kids in my car ever again and that sucks. I don't even want to drive anymore.

I do realize I can go two places from this point.. I can either be thankful that I and the others in the car are alive or I can push people away and hide from the world. Right now I just want to, be. I don't want to do anything. I'm thankful that they lived..but I don't feel like being here. No I'm not thinking about doing anything to myself. I just hate this feeling. I wanted to wake up and it all be a dream that nothing had happened. I know it wasn't exactly all my fault that the accident happened but when you're the one at the wheel you're the one that gets blamed no matter what you were trying to miss.

My car is done for. I really don't want another one either. I don't want to drive when it's dark unless I have to. The fact that I'm scared to drive and scared to ride in the car kills me. I don't feel safe anymore there, and that's the only way to get around...

right now I just...I'm confused..and scared.