one of THOSE days
You know those days where you wonder about everything. Like what you were made for and why everything is the way it is. Those days where you say things that you want to right down because they are so deep and have so much meaning and bring so much thought to the life of others. I'm definitely having one of those days. Kind of a life changing day I guess you would call it. A day where you look at where you've been and see if you want to keep going that way or if you need a new direction in life.
This summer has been...eventful. I did some not so smart things and things I'm not so proud of. I've drifted so far from God I almost wonder if I can get back to where it was. The saddest part. I think I know what I'm doing wrong and I still didn't do it. Yet I told myself I'm doing everything to get closer to God(while knowing I still wasn't doing that one thing), but all I was really doing was getting farther away. I guess I was just scared of feeling bad about what I was doing because I didn't want to stop. I got the point where I couldn't stand the distance. So then I tried to change my life, take things out, change relationships. That just seemed to make me more mad at God. I knew why I was upset with him and I used it as an excuse of reasons why it was okay for me to do what I was doing. I spent the first half of the year upset with God.
Now I realize I need to stop being upset and do what I know I'm sopposed to do and what's right. I feel God's calling me into ministry and that I have been trying to put off for years. Now I realize I must embrace it. I always wanted to teach.
This summer has been...eventful. I did some not so smart things and things I'm not so proud of. I've drifted so far from God I almost wonder if I can get back to where it was. The saddest part. I think I know what I'm doing wrong and I still didn't do it. Yet I told myself I'm doing everything to get closer to God(while knowing I still wasn't doing that one thing), but all I was really doing was getting farther away. I guess I was just scared of feeling bad about what I was doing because I didn't want to stop. I got the point where I couldn't stand the distance. So then I tried to change my life, take things out, change relationships. That just seemed to make me more mad at God. I knew why I was upset with him and I used it as an excuse of reasons why it was okay for me to do what I was doing. I spent the first half of the year upset with God.
Now I realize I need to stop being upset and do what I know I'm sopposed to do and what's right. I feel God's calling me into ministry and that I have been trying to put off for years. Now I realize I must embrace it. I always wanted to teach.
Comments
I loved the post on your blog. Of course, not what you're going through (for that, my heart aches for you). But I loved that you were HONEST. Only in our honesty with ourselves, others and Jesus can we figure out what is truly going on and what we are longing for.
Love ya.
Judy