Pshhh, I'm waking up in Bethel tomorrow.

Spending yesterday in the hotel and last night here, I still have yet to really realize I am not going to be back at Bethel for some time.

Tomorrow, I will not be waking up at 5:30 am to Christian Tamil music and crows cawing.  I will not be lying in bed for another 30 minutes trying to sleep as the girls get up and begin their morning chores of sweeping the dirt floor playground.

Chapel

I won't sit in chapel staring at the pastor as he speaks a language I can only vaguely follow.  Ruth and the girls are not going to ask me if I slept well as we walk back to our rooms from chapel.

Vasanti is not going to bring me idly for breakfast with my favorite spicy coconut chutney at 8:30 am. 

Bajra Puttu Podi.    Dr. Angeline and I working on a patient.

I am not going to walk and talk with God on my way to the hospital where Dr. Angeline, Solay, and Anita are there to happily greet me with guavas and Bajra Puttu Podi.

A patient who brought flowers for Dr. Angeline and I's hair

Today, I will not receive fragrant jasmine flowers from a local woman for my hair.  As I walk down the dirt path, past the fields and farm back to my room for lunch I won’t be thanking God for all the little miracles He showed me while helping Dr. Angeline.

Lunch will be an extreme amount of rice, chicken curry, a whole sliced cucumber, and carrots. Glory and I will not discuss names for her child, or how she finally decided upon Regan, instead of doing our work in the business office.

I won't be able to ask the girls how they are doing, as they automatically respond, "I am fine," and then I respond, "No how are you really."

Vasanti and I

Dinner is not going to be 5 chapati with egg curry, while I try to tell Vasanti I only need half as much food.

evening prayer

After dinner, I can not go down to the playground, the hostel, or into Esther's room and spend time with the girls, playing "obo-ski-wat-n-tatin", "Big Beauty" (formerly known as Big Booty), singing, or learning knew Tamil words.

obo-ski-wat-n-tatin

There will be no sitting on the steps in front of the guest building laughing, singing, and dancing. 

At 8:30 pm, I will not be given high fives as I tiredly walk up the stairs, and say goodnight to the girls.

Foreign words to familiar musical notes won't be played over a loudspeaker as I drift to sleep tucked into my mosquito netted bed at 9:30 pm. 

I know this, but I do not KNOW this.

Often that is a problem for me, knowing something but not accepting it.  I believe this is true for many individuals. Often, we know the right thing to do, or what we should be doing yet we do not accept it.  Sometimes we try to accept it, but deep down we really just can't.  We just go through the motions of the moment.  The problem may be that we need to let God change our outlook and “in-look”, we are trying too hard to change it ourselves.  Controlling our own lives only leads to worthless, worn-out living.  However, with God in control we are free from worry because he promises, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."(Jer 29:11)  The Lord said these words to the Israelis when they were about to become captives of the Babylonians.  He allowed this to happen because they were not letting Him lead their lives.  He follows Jeremiah 29:11 saying after they face trials He will bring them back, for THEN they will call on Him to control their lives and THEN He will listen to them.  He gave us all free-will, so unless we ask Him to take control, He is NOT GOING TO.  It is our choice to dedicate our lives to His plan.  In His plan we receive the fruits of His Spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal 5:22).  When worries arise, He comes and takes them away, as long as we inquire Him.

Within the walls of my soul God and I are doing a bit of construction.  Some walls are being torn down, others have been and are being rebuilt by Him.  Some are in the process of being torn down, I just kinda forgot they were in bad shape and God is helping me find them again, so we can fix ‘em up.

I feel your prayers today.. I felt your prayers last night.  God is protecting me, He is filling me with peace.  I can not wait to be home, and pray that I continue to draw closer to Jesus there.  I am excited to build new friendships, and strengthen old ones.

Please continue to pray for me.  Also pray for Bethel, pray for yourselves, pray for whatever the Spirit leads you to pray for.  And if you are struggling to let the Spirit lead you, tell Him, ask for help, He will help you.

I often struggle, do not feel shame if you do too.  God likes an honest heart.

Praying for you, thanking God for you.